Ex-Christians: Do you find it hard to totally disbelieve in Jesus and some teachings of Christianity?

I only ask because I do. I am agnostic now, but for some reason, I just can't stop keeping a bible in my house, reluctant to go out and buy wine on a Sunday, and despite my criticism of some aspects of Christianity, I cannot disbelieve in Jesus. Now, the bible...that's a whole 'nother animal, but Jesus, I think in my heart Jesus is real, but I can't identify with Christianity anymore.